


EPISODE NINE: "I Don't Like Myself Anymore"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season One [10]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Jewish Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Episode 9, F/F, F/M, Gen, Skam Season 1, football ladies lads, good morning lgbt community i will die for sandy and sophie, just. save these girls.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-25 14:49:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: Sandy Neuman is in her fifth year of secondary school. She's struggling with her GCSE coursework, her boyfriend Bryan's a dick most of the time, and she has no friends. At all.Well, she used to, but that's another story.Right now, she just wants to get through the year with no drama at all. But with a theatre club being started by the new in town, out-and-proud lesbian Esther Montner, drama is all she's going to get.FIRST CLIP: Kumbaya Club





	1. CLIP ONE: "Kumbaya Club"

**MONDAY, NOVEMBER 19TH, 08:22**

 

INT. HALLWAY

 

SANDY walks down the hallway, with her PE bag in hand. The hallway is empty, and she walks slowly, taking in her surroundings. 

 

She stands outside the girls’ changing room door for a moment, taking a deep breath, before entering.

 

INT. GIRLS’ CHANGING ROOM

 

SANDY enters and everyone in the room turns to stare at her.

 

She hesitantly walks to an empty corner and puts her bag down, taking a moment to breathe.

 

There are whispers and giggles behind her and she slips one arm out of her blazer sleeve.

 

SOPHIE sneaks up behind her as she does so, and pours an entire bottle of water over SANDY’s head, soaking her and her clothes, making her scream and everyone else in the room laugh loudly.

 

SOPHIE  
Good luck with your little kumbaya club, you’re gonna need it.

 

SANDY stares at her in shock, shakes her head at her, and runs out of the room, her blazer still half off, leaving her bag behind her.

 

INT. GIRLS’ BATHROOM

 

SANDY runs in and sticks her head under the hand dryer. No air comes out. She stands up and puts her hands under it. It doesn’t work.

 

SANDY  
Paper towels, paper towels… 

 

She looks around for paper towels. There are none.

 

She goes into a stall and starts to dry herself off with toilet paper.

 

SANDY  
[muttering] Why the fuck would they even… Fuck.

 

She starts to attempt to dry her hair and groans.

 

The door opens and someone walks in, SANDY goes completely silent and slightly dabs at her blazer.

 

Instead of hearing any of the usual sounds, there are sounds of someone retching and throwing up, making SANDY look uncomfortable.

 

The other person flushes and leaves their stall, the tap now running.

 

SANDY takes a large amount of toilet paper in her hand and walks out to see RORI washing her hands.

 

They stand in awkward silence for a moment.

 

LIZ enters, holding her PE bag.

 

There’s another awkward pause.

 

LIZ  
Hi.

 

RORI  
Hi.

 

SANDY  
Hi.

 

RORI takes a drink of water from the tap and drys her hands on her blazer.

 

SANDY  
You were right.

 

RORI and LIZ both look at her.

 

SANDY  
The football girls are… after us, I guess.

 

RORI  
Oh. Um… I… I have to…

 

She points at the door and quickly exits, wiping her mouth.

 

There’s a pause as SANDY dries her arm and LIZ nervously fiddles with her PE bag strap.

 

LIZ  
I’m… not in the club anymore, so… I don’t care about that.

 

SANDY  
What? Why not?

 

LIZ  
Why bother being in a blacklisted club where everyone hates me?

 

SANDY rolls her eyes.

 

SANDY  
No one hates you, Liz. You’re the one doing the hating.

 

LIZ  
Really? Then what do you call what Esther and Brianna were doing?

 

SANDY sighs. LIZ looks at her, then at her bag, then back at her, and starts to walk out.

 

SANDY  
Liz!

 

LIZ turns and looks at her.

 

SANDY  
I… I just… I wanted to let you know that I’m not the sort of person who steals other people’s boyfriends.

 

LIZ  
Then what sort of person are you?

 

SANDY stays silent, clearly deep in thought, as LIZ exits, leaving SANDY to shake herself out of thought and begin to dry herself again.


	2. CLIP TWO: "Totally Fucking Fucked"

**TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 20TH, 18:28**

 

INT. SANDY’S BEDROOM

 

SANDY lies down in her bed, her laptop on her lap, as a video with poppy stock music plays on it.

 

In the video - which is titled “Dorothy Stringer High School” - there are shots of students smiling, waving, doing classwork and sports.

 

STUDENT [on video]  
When I think of Dorothy Stringer, I think of… all of our sports trophies.

 

They laugh.

 

STUDENT [n video]  
I’m just kidding, um… I think of success and fun and work that doesn’t feel like work because… It’s just so good. I really recommend this school.

 

SANDY watches the video for a few more seconds, expressionless, before pausing it, opening a new tab and googling “how to change secondary schools”.

 

She clicks on one of the links, for Yahoo Answers, and starts to read, the words not clear to the viewer.

 

She starts to type her own question: “hi, i would like to switch secondary schools in the middle of the first term of year 12. immediately. but i don’t know h”

 

She is cut off by her phone buzzing. She picks it up to see that JAKE is calling to facetime her.

 

She sits up and puts her laptop to the side. She answers and JAKE appears on her phone screen.

 

JAKE  
Hi!

 

SANDY  
Hi.

 

JAKE  
You weren’t at school today. Are you okay?

 

SANDY  
What? Oh, um, yeah.

 

There’s a pause.

 

JAKE  
It’s really unfair that you're getting so much hate. I mean, it's bloody ridiculous. The shit they say about you on the team... Um, no offence. I didn't want to make you feel bad, but--

 

SANDY  
I’m gonna move schools.

 

JAKE furrows his brow as SANDY sits up straight.

 

JAKE  
I… Why?

 

SANDY  
Because everything is fucked at BACA, duh.

 

JAKE  
And... That's it?

 

SANDY  
Yes?

 

There’s a pause.

 

JAKE  
Okay.

 

There’s another pause as SANDY looks confused.

 

SANDY  
What do you mean, "okay"?

 

JAKE  
I don’t know. It’s just… I didn’t expect it from you, that’s all.

 

SANDY hesitates.

 

SANDY  
What does  _ that  _ mean?

 

JAKE  
I never took you for the kind of person who would just give up.

 

SANDY  
Fuck, what  _ is  _ it with this bullshit about “what kind of person I am”? Maybe I am the kind of person who gives up! [sighs] I don’t know. How would you know what kind of person I am? _I_ don’t even know what kind of person I am. Everyone’s all like “oh, what kind of person are you? Oh, you have to know exactly who and what you are!” What a load of fucking bullshit.

 

There’s a pause.

 

JAKE  
Okay, okay. Chill out a little. I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean it that way.

 

SANDY nods, and there’s another pause.

 

JAKE  
It’s actually not that complicated, Sandy. If you change schools just because things fucked up a bit? You’re a person who gives up easily.

 

SANDY  
“Fucked up a bit”? More like everything’s is totally fucking fucked. And don’t try that reverse psychology bullshit on me, I’m not five.

 

JAKE  
I don’t know, I think it’s working.

 

He chuckles and SANDY looks down, in thought. There’s a pause.

 

JAKE  
Seriously though. You’ve gotta stand up for yourself. Fight back. Don't let those assholes win. I know you can do it.

 

He smiles and SANDY nods, staring determinedly ahead as _“Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” by Lana Del Rey_ begins to play.


	3. CLIP THREE: "Wouldn't A Boy Have To Start It?"

**WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 21ST, 15:03**

 

The song continues to play over shots of the school.

 

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE GIRLS’ LOCKER ROOM

 

SANDY stands across from the door, as the camera pans up her body, a determined look on her face.

 

She smirks to herself, takes a deep breath, and pushes the door open.

 

INT. GIRLS’ LOCKER ROOM

 

The GIRLS’ FOOTBALL TEAM (minus SOPHIE) all sit/stand in front of a whiteboard at the end of the room, where TARA is standing and drawing figures and notes onto a map of a football pitch.

 

TARA  
And Cassie, that’s when you come in and get the ball from her, and lace it into the net. And if that doesn't work, you can--

 

CASSIE clears her throat and nods at SANDY, who is standing in front of the door. TARA hesitates.

 

TARA  
Can I help you?

 

SANDY  
Where’s… Sophie?

 

TARA  
She’s sick. What do you want?

 

SANDY  
It’s just… The whole water thing. I know I fucked up. I fucked up a lot. But it isn’t fair to blacklist everyone in the club, they didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. Punish me, not them.

 

TARA laughs awkwardly.

 

TARA  
Look, Sandy, tell your friends we won’t “punish” them. We have more important things to do than “blacklist” you guys or whatever, that's more what those weird-ass stoners do. _We_ have a match in two weeks, not to mention we need to raise money for new uniforms and…

 

She takes a deep breath and smiles.

 

SANDY  
But… Why did Sophie pour water on my head?

 

TARA  
That was just Sophie being Sophie. She just wanted to fuck with you, or whatever.

 

SANDY  
So… You guys aren’t mad at me for… hooking up with Esther?

 

TARA  
Sandy, I’m going to be real with you. None of us give a shit who you hook up with.

 

SANDY  
Even if… it’s a girl?

 

TARA  
Even if it’s [imitating her tone] “a girl”.

 

She sighs.

 

TARA  
Sandy, I’m sure that in your head this is the biggest and most dramatic thing in all of history. But to most of us? It doesn’t even matter. We don’t care if you hook up with girls, guys, both, or just people. That doesn’t make you any different from us.

 

SANDY nods, noticeably less confident than before.

 

TARA  
Come on, girl. You shouldn’t care what people think. We’re in Year 11. We're gonna hook up a lot. But don’t like… sleep around. There’s a difference.

 

CASSIE  
Yeah, last year at Varndean, there was this mass chlamydia break out.

 

The football girls all murmur, laugh and whisper about it to each other, no real conversation heard. 

 

GIRL #1  
Do you know who started it?

 

CASSIE  
You know that girl who moved here this year? Brianna Holland? Her.

 

GIRL #2  
No fucking way!

 

GIRL #1  
But wouldn’t a boy have to start it?

 

CASSIE  
It can be anyone these days.

 

GIRL #1  
God…

 

CASSIE  
You think that’s bad? I heard--

 

They all begin to talk over one another, all inaudible, but still very loud.

 

SANDY looks at TARA, who smiles apologetically, and SANDY exits.

 

The girls continue to chat for a few moments, before the camera cuts away.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "Defend Her"

**THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 22ND, 11:17**

 

INT. LIBRARY

 

ESTHER and BRIANNA sit at a table together, biology books in front of them. SANDY enters and watches them from afar.

 

BRIANNA  
You got that wrong.

 

ESTHER  
No, I didn’t.

 

BRIANNA  
Look at the answer key, you’re wrong!

 

ESTHER  
It’s the answer key that’s wrong.

 

BRIANNA  
[through laughter] The answer key can’t be wrong!

 

ESTHER  
It is, because it doesn’t have the same as I do.

 

BRIANNA nods as she continues to laugh. ESTHER snorts and looks up, seeing SANDY standing there.

 

ESTHER  
Hi!

 

SANDY  
Hi.

 

There’s a pause. She sits next to BRIANNA.

 

SANDY  
I talked to the football girls. They’re not after us.

 

ESTHER  
I can sleep easy tonight!

 

BRIANNA  
That’s… good, I guess. 

 

She hesitates.

 

BRIANNA  
Look, it’s Liz who cares about this shit and pisses herself over some blacklist. Go tell her.

 

SANDY  
Liz, um… She isn’t in the club anymore.

 

BRIANNA  
What?!

 

SANDY  
She said she didn’t want to be in a club where everyone hated her.

 

BRIANNA scoffs indignantly as ESTHER bites her lip, anxiously tapping her pencil.

 

ESTHER  
Something’s not right. Sure, Liz can be a bit… ignorant, but at that meeting she was straight up mean. And Liz isn’t a mean person.

 

BRIANNA  
Did you just… defend her?

 

ESTHER  
No! I’m just… Something’s up. I don’t know what it is. Even Rori was acting weird. We’re their friends, we should… I don’t know, pay more attention?

 

BRIANNA rolls her eyes.

 

BRIANNA  
Okay… 

 

There’s a long, awkward pause.

 

SANDY  
I… I feel like I owe you guys an explanation. About what Liz said about me and Sophie and Bryan. But I don’t have one. I know I should’ve done shit differently, and I--

 

ESTHER  
Sandy. Save that speech for Sophie.

 

BRIANNA  
Fuck Sophie! You don’t owe her shit. She’s a hypocrite. She hooked up with you while she was still with Bryan, and she poured water on your head. Actually, I think she might still like you.

 

ESTHER  
No way!

 

BRIANNA raises her eyebrows at her, and she looks down.

 

SANDY  
Are you being serious right now?

 

BRIANNA  
Yeah! When she and I hooked up at the Halloween party, she was like, not into it at all. But then again, she was drunk. Straight girls do weird shit when they’re drunk.

 

SANDY is wide eyed throughout this.

 

SANDY  
What the fuck?

 

BRIANNA  
Yeah. She’s a good kisser.

 

ESTHER  
Nice! But it was consensual?

 

BRIANNA  
Hella.

 

They high five.

 

SANDY  
And you’re telling me this  _ now _ ?

 

BRIANNA  
I did tell you!

 

ESTHER and SANDY both look at her like “no!?”

 

BRIANNA  
I thought I told you.

 

SANDY groans and flops onto the table, ESTHER patting her hair as BRIANNA looks around incredulously.


	5. CLIP FIVE: "Worse Than Sick"

**FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD, 14:03**

 

There's an opening shot of the school.

 

INT. HALLWAY

 

SANDY stands outside a classroom, waiting, on her phone. She sends a text to MS NEUMAN saying "mum, i'm so sorry for blowing up at you the last time you were home. i was going through a lot of stuff that scares me a lot, and i want to be able to talk to you about it. when are you next here?"

 

MS NEUMAN sends her a text saying "Sandy, I love you. I'll be back in about three weeks, but we can call and text until then."

 

SANDY sends her a text saying "i love you so much, mum. thank you."

 

As she hits send, students pour out of the classroom, all chattering away.

 

SOPHIE exits with TARA, as SANDY puts her phone in her pocket, and SANDY pulls her to the side.

 

SOPHIE  
What the fuck?

 

SANDY  
I need to talk to you.

 

SOPHIE  
Yeah, right.

 

She laughs and begins to walk away.

 

SANDY  
Sophie, please.

 

SOPHIE pauses. 

 

SANDY  
Unless you want me to tell everyone you hooked up with Brianna… 

 

SOPHIE turns around, sighs, and walks back to SANDY.

 

SANDY walks down the hall and turns a corner, SOPHIE following her.

 

INT. JANITOR’S CLOSET

 

The light turns on automatically as SANDY walks in, followed by SOPHIE. SANDY turns to face her and takes a breath.

 

SANDY  
I know you don’t want to do this, and I don’t either. But we have to, okay? We’re going to be going to this school for three more years, Sophie. I can’t let us walk around hating each other for that whole time. And… you can’t keep blocking me out, starting rumours or pouring water on my head.

 

SOPHIE scoffs and shakes her head, stepping backwards.

 

SANDY  
Please, just hear me out.

 

SOPHIE sighs and stays where she is.

 

SANDY takes several deep breaths with her eyes closed, before opening her eyes and speaking shakily.

 

SANDY  
I remember back in primary school, we must’ve been… 4 or 5 or something. You and I were the only black kids in our year. And when people made fun of me because my hair was weird or my face was weird… You were always there, standing up for me. And…

 

She starts to tear up as _“Moonbeams” by Jean Permentier_ begins to play quietly.

 

SANDY  
And I remember I was so proud that the coolest, smartest, prettiest girl in school wanted to be my friend. ‘Cause I always really looked up to you. You were the only one who could pass properly at football club, remember?

 

SOPHIE nods, laughing slightly.

 

SANDY  
You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Soph. And… The fact that I fucked that all up, just… makes me sick. No, worse than sick. Because of what I did to you, all of that shit, I just… I don’t like myself anymore.

 

She pauses.

 

SANDY  
But I can’t keep regretting everything and feeling guilty for the rest of my life.

 

SOPHIE wipes her eyes, trying not to cry.

 

SANDY  
Things weren’t going well between you and Bryan. You talked about breaking up with him every day. And every day you would… I don’t know… flirt with me, I guess. I thought you liked me… I thought you liked me back. So I went for it, and you broke up with him. But then he kissed me, and I thought “Oh. This has to be right. This has to be what I’m supposed to do.” But I was wrong. And I know it isn’t an excuse, but… He convinced me I loved him.

 

She takes a breath, as SOPHIE looks at her. 

 

SANDY  
I wish I could start again. Do everything differently, make everything better. But I can’t. No one can.

 

She pauses again.

 

SANDY  
I just need to accept that and move on. And I think you do too. So… I’m going to say this one last time. Okay? 

 

SOPHIE nods.

 

SANDY  
I’m sorry, Sophie. I’m sorry that I lied, went behind your back, abandoned you… ruined our friendship. Led you on.

 

SOPHIE  
You didn’t lead me on. I… I led you on. Because I really liked you. And I was so scared.

 

She sobs, and clears her throat, as the music ends.

 

SOPHIE  
I was gonna ask you out, but… then you and Bryan… So I thought I hated you, but I didn’t. I thought you were some slut who stole my boyfriend… But you weren’t. I was just jealous. Of him. Because he got to see you, he got to kiss you, he got to love you. I wanted to do that. And I thought you did too. 

 

SANDY  
I did.

 

SOPHIE  
And I still do. I really, really do. Look, I get that we have issues, and I don’t want things to go back to how they were. I want things to be different. Do you… Do you want to try?

 

SANDY  
Sophie… I’ve wanted to hear that for so long. But… I like someone else. 

 

SOPHIE looks heartbroken.

 

SANDY  
But that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I would be so honoured to be your friend again.

 

SOPHIE smiles, a bit forced.

 

SOPHIE  
Yeah. So would I. Maybe… We still have an empty spot on the football team?

 

SANDY  
That sounds perfect. As long as it doesn’t mess with the friendship/theatre club schedule.

 

SOPHIE  
As captain, I think I can make that happen.

 

They laugh.

 

SANDY  
I’ve missed you.

 

SOPHIE  
I’ve missed you too.

 

There’s a pause.

 

SANDY  
So you  _ actually  _ had a crush on me?

 

SOPHIE  
Shut up!

 

They laugh and hug, as the door opens. They jump apart.

 

RORY  
You had a crush on her?

 

SOPHIE

I… I…

 

She looks at him, and then at SANDY.

 

SOPHIE  
Yeah. And what about it? I’m… I’m bi as fuck! And you can tell everyone, just like how you told everyone about Sandy! I don’t care!

 

RORY  
Okay. Cool. So do you want to have a three--

 

She flips him off and walks proudly out of the closet.

 

There’s an awkward silence.

 

SANDY  
You told everyone?

 

RORY  
Yeah. So?

 

SANDY  
Just… Why would you do that?

 

RORY  
Come on, it was no big deal. It’s not like I sent those guys to beat you up. I mean, I  _ did _ , but not technically.

 

SANDY laughs in shock for a second.

 

SANDY  
What is your problem? You can’t just get people to attack people you don’t like! Or people you do like, but you just don’t take no for an answer. You’re the school’s biggest douche. Your way to cope with it is to out people and fight them? I have a better idea for you. Stop being a fucking asshole.

 

RORY  
I… I’m not an asshole. I just… I didn’t think it was fair for Bryan not to know. So I told Sophie, ‘cause I thought she would tell him, but she didn’t. So I told the team, and they freaked out and then everyone knew. I didn’t… I never wanted to hurt you.

 

SANDY  
But you did. And you’ll keep hurting people if you don’t change.

 

RORY  
I don’t know how. Fuck, I didn’t even remember who Esther was kissing. All I remember was she, like, attacked me.

 

SANDY  
What? But… How did you tell people if you forgot?

 

RORY  
Your boyfriend asked me about it.

 

SANDY  
Bryan? But he didn’t even know.

 

RORY rolls his eyes.

 

RORY  
Not Bryan. Before he knew you were playing for the other team, he was shitting himself because he thought you liked Jake. I still think you do, but…

 

_“Volcano Girls” by Veruca Salt_ begins to play as SANDY’s jaw drops in confusion and anger. 

 

SANDY  
Wait…  _ Jake  _ was the one who told you?

 

RORY  
Yeah. I thought you knew.

 

RORY laughs as SANDY pushes past him and slams the closet door, making the screen go black.

 

_ CUT TO END CREDITS AS THE SONG CONTINUES _

 

_ CUT TO BLACK _


End file.
